Do Over's

This morning I had to change my voicemail. On Friday I had recorded a message indicating that I would be away for the weekend and would not be returning calls in a timely manner - an essential move in my business. So today, being back in the office, I had to make change my message back to the generic "Hi, you've reached Tina Sibbald of Royal LePage Your Community Realty. I'm sorry I've missed your call but do leave a message and I'll get back to you as quickly as I can".

Except, I played it back and I sounded too whiny. So I recorded it again. Then I stumbled over my words and sounded like I had a speech impediment. So I recorded again. Having found fault with the next 4 takes, I finally settled on one which would suffice until the next time I have to record an extended absence greeting.

You gotta love do-overs. We had them as kids. I missed hitting the other kid's chestnut in the chestnut fight so I got to do it over. We were playing t-ball and I missed three times so I got to do it over.

Which brings me to the present. Can you imagine how rich I'd be if I could bottle a 'do-over' potion? Imagine if Bill Clinton could have a do over for the day he met Monica? Stephen Paige could have a do over for the day he decided to buy that cocaine? Michael Jackson could have a do over for the day he filmed that ill-fated Pepsi commercial where his hair caught on fire and sent him into a downward spiral of pain killer addiction?

I was thinking of all the do-overs I'd like to have. There seem to be a lot of them lately, none of which I care to elaborate on in this forum because, unlike the ones I mentioned above, I have not become notorious and famous (at least not yet).

Sometimes its as simple as the words floating out of one's mouth, instantly regretted as they are uttered, yet out there and impossible to take back no matter how frantically one grabs at them. Sometimes they are a helluva lot more complicated and involve actions which have a long lasting and sometimes irreversible effect on the another person.

If I could turn back time.....

Peripherals

My Dad has cancer.


That's about as abruptly as I found out so it seemed fitting to start this post the same way. I mean, how does one soften such a revelation anyway? "Oh, how are you dear, we had a lovely day visiting some antique shops and enjoying the warm sunny weather and Dad has cancer". Somehow that doesn't work either.

But, as is usually the case with the odd little way I absorb and process various issues, the cancer thing actually has me thinking about two other issues.

Family. As in immediate. My brothers. Jim and Matthew mean everything to me. In fact, when I get to see Matthew (westcoastwalker) perhaps once a year, I still cry when he leaves. Jim lives in Toronto - a mere 40 minutes south on Highway 400 and I'm lucky to see him 6 times a year. What's with that? Is this a sad statement about how self-absorbed I've become? And now that we know Dad has cancer we're firing e-mails back and forth like crazy, chatting on facebook and talking about setting up skype accounts so we can conference between Vancouver, T.O. and Bradford. The communication is great and I feel like I have a brand new relationship with my brothers, which makes me happy - and sad at the same time. Sad because it took bad news to strengthen and renew our bond.

Activism. My brothers and I have been chatting about how unacceptable it is that Dad has been told he has cancer, and has a CT scan booked for......NOVEMBER!? So, now we're going to become a trio of little activists - writing to our MPP's, MP's, heck, the Prime Minister if we have to. (Although he's a total pud and I can't imagine writing to ask him for any help when I'm beyond embarrassed to have him representing me on the world stage - See I can't resist any opportunity to get a jab in - he's pathologically partisan so why can't I be?) But I digress. Isn't it curious how people will suddenly become engaged and work for a cause when it has affected them personally? Would I become a crusader for the 'wait times' issue in our health care system if I was not on the edge of my seat waiting for more comprehensive tests to determine the state of Dad's cancer? I wonder.

I am certain, however, that there are many people far more selfless and far less self-absorbed than I who have taken up causes for the simple reason of justice and fairness. Now that would make some interesting reading and research. Many times I have become a crusader of sorts, but I seem to recall that it was because the issue affected me personally. What an interesting point of self examination.

So, Dad has cancer.

A broad brush...

Having followed, albeit distantly, the Ruby Dhalla situation wherein she stands accused of mis-treating nannies who have been brought here from another country, I find that it is really a peripheral issue that has the hair on the back of my neck standing at attention.

CTV's Canada AM ran a 'viewer poll' and were displaying comments about whether people tend to believe the nannies, or Ms. Dhalla. The comments on both sides astounded me. People who favoured the nannies made comments such as "all politicians are liars" or "why would you believe anything a politician says?" and people who favoured Ms. Dhalla made comments about the nannies which were almost racial in nature and are not worthy of repeating here.

At the risk of being guilty of exactly what has raised my ire, I have come to the conclusion that those who are quick to paint an entire group of people with one large unforgiving brush stroke are doing nothing more that shamelessly parading their own ignorance and personal bias.

To those who made comments about the lack of integrity of ALL politicians, I would love to be able to ask: did you vote? Have you ever voted? Don't you care enough to become involved? Do you realize that you actually have the power to make a difference and hold our elected representatives accountable?

To those who made comments about the nannies I would love to find out if they are secret members of the KKK.

As for what I personally believe about this situation: I have faith that the system we have in place whereby Ms. Dhalla has the opportunity to face her accusers will work. There is more to this than meets the eye, and daylight will prohibit the liars from hiding forever. The truth will eventually prevail. It always does.

Karma is magical.....

Mother's Day

I'm not sure I 'get' this special day.

Sure, my kids may (or may not) make me a card or buy some flowers today, and I'm not suggesting for a moment that I will be ungrateful for their efforts. But what is more important is the relationship they have with me every day of the year.

Every day of the year Lauren gives me a hug and tells me I'm beautiful and how much she loves me.

Every day of the year Matthew jumps up from whatever he is doing around the house as soon as I come in the basement door and runs to me to give me a big hug and says "Hi mom, how's your day going - do you need me to help you carry anything in from your car?"

Every day of the year Andrew thanks me for something or other: "Thanks mom, you're the best".

How fortunate I am - every day of the year.

So, everyone else is welcome to enjoy this hallmark holiday. Quite fortunately, its just another day for this luckiest mom on the planet.

Karine Blais

The ramp ceremony in Afghanistan took place for Trooper Karine Blais earlier today. She is the 117th member of the Canadian Military to die since Canada's mission began in 2002.

Ironically, on Canada AM this morning the piece directly preceding this story dealt with assisted suicide and I couldn't help but draw a parallel. Our soldiers are meant to be peacekeepers, yet they are forced to assume a combat role. Our own government contradicts itself by saying out of one side of its mouth that we will not leave until the Taliban is defeated and from the other side it whispers "the Taliban can never be defeated". So, as crass as it may seem, I can't help but compare the Government of Canada with the the physicians who assist in suicide. We are sending young men and women to their deaths.

Funny, I don't get emotional about a lot of things, but as I sat in my bedroom watching the ramp ceremony on TV while my peripheral vision caugh a glimpse of the Canadian flag in my back yard flying at half staff, I cried. I don't know anything about young Karine Blais except that at 21 years of age she has not even had a chance to live half the life I've lived. No great love, no children, no future.

I can't think of anywhere else on the planet I would rather live, and I am eternally grateful that I am a citizen by birth of what I believe is one of the greatest countries on the planet. But as more and more of our troops are killed fighting instead of peacekeeping, in a war with no parameters, unattainable goals, and no end in sight, my pride in being Canadian is feeling just a little bruised today.

Our government needs to do more than issue eloquently worded statements of condolence. Leadership? No, I wouldn't call it that.

Rest in peace Trooper Blais.

Evolotion of a career

I wonder what I really want to be when I grow up.

My real estate career is quite successful. My partner Tracey makes it worthwhile to go to work every day. But increasingly this is becoming a way to pay the bills and I find myself searching elsewhere for gratification, for lack of a better word at 4:22 in the morning.

I find that I have the urge to write. With no formal training, I realize that this is not yet a way to pay the bills (and according to many people with whom I've spoken it may never be). And so it goes.... another chapter in my career unfolds in the same manner as everything else I've accomplished: by the seat of my pants! Mix 2 parts B.S. with a little confidence in myself and I'm working hard to build a portfolio - albeit a limited one for starters.

After 3 issues of BBT Voice I had to move on because I couldn't stand the fact that the Board did not view me as a true editor, and tried to take control by censoring my ideas in favour of some not clearly identified or properly articulated sense of "political correctness". I may be new but I still have integrity when it comes to my writing. So as much as I will miss working on this project, it is amazing how when one is sending out the right signals, other opportunities present themselves. Last night I had a conversation with my new friend Chuck MacLeod of Snap South Simcoe and while his inaugural issue was a great success, he just needs a little help with some editorial content. Its a big job to handle sales and covering all the events. How opportune. I'm already starting work on my first assignment.

So I wonder... will I ever be able to make a career of this? And if I do, would I be willing to give up real estate? Hmmmmm....

Kids today.....

.... was the topic that came up yesterday when I was having lunch with my three favourite guys, my friends and colleagues Peter, Michael and Giuseppe. I'm not sure how we got there, other than the fact that we were outnumbered in Gino's Panini by a large number of 'tweens from a local school.

What we noticed is that kids today conduct themselves in an entirely different manner than we did at their age. Now, in our little lunch group our ages ranged from late twenties to late forties, and yet all of our experiences were the same, growing up. Of course, even the good little Sunday School kids got in trouble... when no one was looking. But the common thread was that we four all learned about respect in meaningful ways, some of which involved a swat on the backside. Some of us faced other very real punishments - it is amazing how much one ponders life when confined to a bedroom for any waking hours that were not spent at school for one week.

This is not meant to turn into a debate about corporal punishment, but rather an examination of what has changed in society? As a kid growing up in Mississauga, I would not have dreamed of failing to hold a door for an adult, give up my seat on a bus to an elderly person; my brothers would never wear their baseball hats in a restaurant, or while sitting down to a family meal at home for that matter. When our parents introduced us to an adult friend, we stood, extended a hand and said, 'nice to meet you, sir', and then asked permission to be excused from the room.

Really though, can we who are parents really roll our eyes and say with a sigh, "kids today...."?

One thing for certain is that our kids are definitely more worldly wise than I remember being. I see 12 year old girls in the mall, dressed like little pop stars with more glitter makeup and less clothing. Did their parents see them leave the house like this? I distinctly remember 12. I Was riding my skateboard and marvelling at the fact that I was faster than most of the boys on my street. I was playing softball and going swimming, and tobogganing at that awesome hill at Brookmede Public School.

Perhaps it was because I was not bombarded with the same images as kids today. Yet, do we really want our kids to be ignorant about the world around them?

Its a bit of a conundrum for me.

Another parent told me recently that my kids are the most polite and respectful children she's ever met. Should I be puffed up with pride, or should I be sad that their good behaviour is not the norm any more?

If I start t go on about the evils of: the Internet, overwhelming media noise 24/7, kids in front of video games and computers instead of outside playing, two parents at work for 12 hours a day... I'll risk sounding like a TV evangelist. But what's the answer?

I think that any of us who have kids today have to look no further than ourselves the next time we roll our eyes and say "kids today" when we see a table full of baseball clad kids eating lunch and carrying on like its frat night.

Then I turn on the news and watch how our elected representatives conduct themselves... well that's a whole different post, isn't it!